What’s that you say? You’re surprised you haven’t heard from me?! Hmmm…
Let me refresh your memory.
Six months ago you shattered my heart saying, “I can’t do this anymore.” You walked away and never looked back. Vanished like a ghost.
I crumbled. I sobbed. I got drunk. I cried some more. Memories haunted me day and night. I was scared, lost, and confused. Eventually I stopped waiting for answers that would never come. I emerged from the darkness and began to live again.
Out of the blue your name pops up on my phone, and my heart skipped a beat. You asked if you could come by to pick up some things you left when you moved out. This turned out to be a hoax, and when I replied to your message “Super wish we could have had sex,” with “Super wish you could understand how hurtful it is to feel like sex is the only reason you wanted to see me after all this time,” you have no response. Like a ghost.
Two weeks ago there you are again. This time with an apology for being such a jackass. You are full of vulnerability and remorse. You express confidence in us and determination to get me back. All of things I’d been wanting to hear. Then ‘poof’ you’re gone again.
This makes no sense. I don’t understand, and I want to get off this roller coaster. So when you reemerged last night, I ignored your messages. And now you’re surprised you haven’t heard from me?!
I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to say to you. How to articulate my feelings and close this chapter for good. ‘Fuck you’ seems appropriate, but instead I settle for, “I can’t do this anymore.” Poignant and reminiscent. And now it’s my turn to vanish…1